we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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