He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
