so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
