had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
