Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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