It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
