now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
