It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
