You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
