He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
