It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
