She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
