I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
