I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
