you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
