i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
