Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
