My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
