She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
