? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
