Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
