I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
