gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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