chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
