Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
