apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
