she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
