apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
