The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
