I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
