I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
