im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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