Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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