If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how do flat chested girls get laid?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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