my being single is dangerous.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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