Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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