apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
