Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i think i have two assholes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
