dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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