I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
worst night to have a conscience
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
