first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
