I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can I color on your dick again?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
