Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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