K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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