You work out of a Hotel?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
