There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
