dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
