addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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