U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
