I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
