Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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