You smell like stripper and shame
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
