Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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